Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Mom said you looked used
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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