i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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