I am in a vortex of obligation.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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