My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
