You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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