I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
