i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
