the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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