WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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