dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I have demons in me.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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