Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My hand turned me down
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
