arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
