life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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