Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
