I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
