while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We're using joints as your birthday candles
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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