Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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