just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
