She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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