Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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