The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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