my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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