butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
