I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
