Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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