I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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