remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
