just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
