Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heās Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
And he claims I gave him āfuck meā eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize