either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
