i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
