Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
