grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
