dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
