i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize