Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
