I am puke
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
