It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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