4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
