Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
