Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Define "chronic" masturbator.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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