YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
