they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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