what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
