so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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