The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
