Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
