Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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