3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
