you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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