U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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