I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
