No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
