The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
