You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
