I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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