Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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