We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
