would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Randomize
