I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
