I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize