Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
