Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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